Self-Compassion and High Performance Standards: Are They Compatible?
How Can We Learn the Skills of Self-Compassion?
Some of them are listed in the sidebar accompanying this article. It’s easier than you think: you’ve been doing it all along for others. Perhaps you can start by talking to yourself, sympathetically, like this:
I’m here for you. I’m so sorry it’s difficult right now. Everyone hurts like this sometimes. I love myself. I love myself even if I messed up. I don’t want Me to hurt. I deserve kindness from myself no matter what. I’m going to take a minute now to go deep inside to feel that place where I am pure Goodness.
Or say whatever is soothing and comforting to you. At first it may feel awkward to talk to yourself this way, but with practice, it feels … well, wonderful.
When my clients learn to talk to themselves with self-compassion, the results are visible right in front of me. Their bodies relax. They breathe deeper. The stress that only minutes ago tightened their face simply vanishes, replaced by softness, clarity, tranquility, and sometimes a big bright smile. They report feeling hope and confidence whereas only minutes before, they were filled with despair and frustration.
I invite you to flood yourself with self-compassion right now. Recognize your fragility and pain. Love yourself. Be kind to yourself. Feel your connection to humanity. And when you finish reading this article, your more authentic, more loving self will touch everyone around you for days to come, and you will make a difference in the world, starting with yourself.
Copyright 2014 Helen Spielman
First published in Overtones, The Journal of the World Flute Society, November 2014.
Much of the information in this article is taken from or adapted from the books and seminars of Kristin Neff and Christopher Germer with gratitude.
Helen Spielman is a performance coach whose passion is to help musicians maximize their highest potential on stage. She teaches positive self-talk for performance, self-compassion, the alleviation of perfectionism and worry about others’ approval, concentration, and consistent performance. Helen works with musicians, moms, and business executives internationally via Phone and Skype. Her popular book A Flute in My Refrigerator: Celebrating a Life in Music is selling prestissimo and is available on Amazon as well as at flute specialty stores. Please visit http://PerformConfidently.com for more information.
Compassion is the antitoxin of the soul: where there is compassion even the most poisonous impulses remain relatively harmless. –Eric Hoffer, American writer