I played in various concerts around my state, and enjoyed going to different towns, performing for strangers. But I discovered what makes my heart soar: playing for my friends, for people who know and love me, people I care about. So I created The Chapel Hill Musicale, where music lovers gather informally. We meet at my house every couple of months. Children, amateurs, and professionals play all kinds of music in the course of an evening.
The challenge of creating larger musical events – conceiving and implementing ideas, coordinating and attending to details – intrigues me. In recent years I’ve produced many concerts. Music from the Movies, for example, included four singers and musicians, props and costume changes, film clips, and, of course, popcorn for the audience.
I’m not a great flutist; many teenagers who attended the recent NFA convention play better than I. But I do know how to teach. And so, ten years ago, I took on students. I’ve built a successful studio where I teach up to the level of my own ability. When a student progresses to where she needs more than I can give, I send her on to someone else. I believe that those students who want what I have to offer will find their way to me.
At the same time I began teaching, I resumed study of the flute, and had to find my niche as an adult student. Most of my teacher’s other students are university performance majors who aspire to graduate school or become orchestral players or soloists. I had to find a balance between how much I would let my teacher lead me and how much I’d create my own direction. This is still something that I work out on a regular basis. I’ve been with my teacher for ten years, and he deserves a medal for putting up with me for so long!
Writing is my most recent niche. I never aspired to be a writer, but I was so excited about flute playing that I wanted to talk about it all the time. Writing became another medium. My articles are published all over the world, and I write to and help manage the FLUTE Internet mailing list.
To find my niches, I had to overcome my inner critic. Because of the way I was reared, I had low self-esteem and always thought of myself as not good enough. I was afraid of making mistakes. Slowly I learned that playing without mistakes is not the goal. The goal is to be in joy. As Stephanie Judy said in her book, “Your own music is the child of your heart, and you are entitled to love it, not because it’s good, but because it’s a part of you.”