| Positive Self-Talk/Affirmations I am free of the need for others’ approval and look only to myself for joy and satisfaction. I trust that others see the beauty in my heart and hear the loveliness in my music. |
Nadine couldn’t attend concerts. She would sit in the audience and get too anxious for the performer. “What if that were me?” She would imagine herself on the stage making mistakes, being hypercritical, and feeling terrified. “Sometimes I felt like I needed an oxygen tank,” she said. Nadine lived in a big city with a plethora of concerts, but she deprived herself of hearing the live music she loved because it was such a painful experience.
When Nadine performed, she worried about what people would think of her and what they might say. In fact, she worried about what others would think of her clothes, her musical selections, and her physical expressions. She was concerned about who might be in the audience. She sweated whether she played at a small church service or at an important competition. She was 42 years old and had been nervous in front of people all her life. Now she was getting her doctorate in music and still couldn’t stop being scared.
Nadine’s path toward gaining control and confidence included perceiving how all of her music experiences were interrelated, and learning a wide variety of new skills and techniques. She began to recognize how critical she was toward other performers in her thoughts, just as she was toward herself.
“Some students don’t go with a kind heart to hear their colleagues, they go to hear their wrong notes. And do you know, these people cannot play in public, because when they play, they see in every corner all the people who are looking to see what they will do wrong… When I go to a concert I really, truly am a friend of the person who is playing.” (Rosina Levine (1880-1976) Quoted by Harold c. Schonberg in The New York Times)
Rosina Levine, teacher of pianists Van Cliburn, Misha Dichter and others, recognized the need to listen with a kind heart. As Nadine slowly began to express more compassion toward herself, she also began to extend more acceptance toward others. She learned to focus on their hearts and to perceive them as good people with full lives instead of merely one-dimensional musicians.
Nadine became a more self-assured performer, less preoccupied by others’ opinions. She also reported, “It’s so wonderful to go to concerts now and enjoy them. Even when musicians don’t do so well, I can still find something beautiful.”
Gradually, Nadine reported improved self-confidence on stage, greatly enhanced enjoyment of performing, and fewer worries about others. In fact, she said she had become a happier person in general.
Other Flute Focus columns in my series “Performance Anxiety from Inside Out” are also available.